Full of Wonder

I love nights like tonight. I think they don't happen as often as I would like... Man! There are so many things running through my mind right now. This post will probably be more of a ramble so sorry if it gets confusing or seems unorganized! Okay so tonight I hung out with my family... we just sat and talked. We talked about the wonder of our God, this earth and universe, the heavens, the Bible, and history. It's so crazy to think about, and truly fills my heart with praise and yearning to know and understand our Creator more. This is time that I feel is of true quality. So often our time is spent in a kind of wasteful way to be honest... watching movies or playing card games. I don't think those are bad necessarily, but like I said.. maybe just a waste of time in some cases. I guess I just don't know how to find the balance. Is it important to have fun? What is important? What are the things we need? How can we even define what those words mean? I have so many questions... and am truly amazed at how God continually reveals small truths to me. 

This story we are a small part of... is so perfect. It's a mystery wrapped up in a love story. Our minds can only begin to comprehend it. I like to look at the big picture of things... and I say that a lot... But I'm realizing that what I understand to be the big picture... is still only a small portion of the real big picture. I think that Almighty God is the only one that knows what that is. I can't wait to keep learning. 

I am so blessed to have the family that I have. The unity that the six of us have is so beautiful. It hasn't always been this way, but I believe that our bond has only gotten stronger. I know it is because the foundation of each of our lives is in Christ. His love is what binds us. I was thinking about it when we were all sitting and talking...what an amazing gift that my family is. I love that we can sit and talk about the things we do. I love how strong of a connection that we all have. It is so crazy to see where God has taken us and what He has been teaching us over the years. My dad is full of integrity and passion as the leader of our family. My mom is truly a woman with a gentle and kind spirit, her beauty is true and noble. It is so inspiring! I don't want to in any way brag about them. I know that this is a rare blessing. I'm not saying that my family is perfect either. It breaks my heart to see families broken apart and family members betrayed. There are such horrific things that happen in this world, but God desires to save us. He is the perfect Father. The very definition of love, beauty, and truth. And He loves you! He thinks you are beautiful and wants so badly for you to see the truth. But we have the choice of whether or not we will open the door and invite Him in. It is our choice to develop that relationship with Him- a relationship that is true and wonderful. 

There is so much wonder. Our God is full of a never ending amount of it. I wonder if, when we get to heaven, if we will have all the answers, or if we will continue to learn throughout eternity. I wonder what is beyond our universe. I wonder what is in the unexplored depths of the seas. I wonder what my purpose is in this story. I wonder what it will really be like in the throne room of God. I wonder about the beauty and creation that I have yet to see...what colors and design and music will surround us in heaven. 

AH it blows my mind. 

Let praise come from my lips all my days, your love overtake me and flow through my veins! Let heaven on earth be reality here; let your kingdom come and your glory draw near!

I love nights like tonight. I think they don't happen as often as I would like... Man! There are so many things running through my mind right now. This post will probably be more of a ramble so sorry if it gets confusing or seems unorganized! Okay so tonight I hung out with my family... we just sat and talked. We talked about the wonder of our God, this earth and universe, the heavens, the Bible, and history. It's so crazy to think about, and truly fills my heart with praise and yearning to know and understand our Creator more. This is time that I feel is of true quality. So often our time is spent in a kind of wasteful way to be honest... watching movies or playing card games. I don't think those are bad necessarily, but like I said.. maybe just a waste of time in some cases. I guess I just don't know how to find the balance. Is it important to have fun? What is important? What are the things we need? How can we even define what those words mean? I have so many questions... and am truly amazed at how God continually reveals small truths to me. 

This story we are a small part of... is so perfect. It's a mystery wrapped up in a love story. Our minds can only begin to comprehend it. I like to look at the big picture of things... and I say that a lot... But I'm realizing that what I understand to be the big picture... is still only a small portion of the real big picture. I think that Almighty God is the only one that knows what that is. I can't wait to keep learning. 

I am so blessed to have the family that I have. The unity that the six of us have is so beautiful. It hasn't always been this way, but I believe that our bond has only gotten stronger. I know it is because the foundation of each of our lives is in Christ. His love is what binds us. I was thinking about it when we were all sitting and talking...what an amazing gift that my family is. I love that we can sit and talk about the things we do. I love how strong of a connection that we all have. It is so crazy to see where God has taken us and what He has been teaching us over the years. My dad is full of integrity and passion as the leader of our family. My mom is truly a woman with a gentle and kind spirit, her beauty is true and noble. It is so inspiring! I don't want to in any way brag about them. I know that this is a rare blessing. I'm not saying that my family is perfect either. It breaks my heart to see families broken apart and family members betrayed. There are such horrific things that happen in this world, but God desires to save us. He is the perfect Father. The very definition of love, beauty, and truth. And He loves you! He thinks you are beautiful and wants so badly for you to see the truth. But we have the choice of whether or not we will open the door and invite Him in. It is our choice to develop that relationship with Him- a relationship that is true and wonderful. 

There is so much wonder. Our God is full of a never ending amount of it. I wonder if, when we get to heaven, if we will have all the answers, or if we will continue to learn throughout eternity. I wonder what is beyond our universe. I wonder what is in the unexplored depths of the seas. I wonder what my purpose is in this story. I wonder what it will really be like in the throne room of God. I wonder about the beauty and creation that I have yet to see...what colors and design and music will surround us in heaven. 

AH it blows my mind. 

Let praise come from my lips all my days, your love overtake me and flow through my veins! Let heaven on earth be reality here; let your kingdom come and your glory draw near!

One Who Sees

Genesis 16... There are a few different things I could share from this story but I just want to focus on the thing that really stood out to me. 

I imagine when Hagar found out that she was pregnant, she must have realized that Sarai had used her in order to build a family. I think I would feel pretty bitter about that as well. It is an awful feeling to be used for other's selfish motives. Anyhow, I can only imagine the thoughts and emotions filling her during that time. It became so much that she must have thought that she could not face it anymore, so she ran away.

Here's the awesome part of this story... God didn't abandon her, in fact, He did the opposite. It says that after an angel of the Lord came to Hagar, she used another name to refer to the Lord. She referred to Him as "the One who sees me." This is a great picture... Go back to speech class. Remember learning the difference between hearing and listening? Hearing is just the ability to sense a sounds, while listening is being able to interpret that sound. Listening is a conscious effort... something that requires an interest in order to understand. I view looking and seeing in that same way. You can look at something, but not really see it for what it truly is. Now think about a painting. You can look at a painting, and even see some of the thought that went into it... but only the painter can truly see the complete purpose and meaning of it. Only when you go to the source and ask the painter what he/she was trying to portray will you begin to understand it. Even then, you won't just understand right off the bat. It takes thought and some digging into our emotions. 

God, our creator, sees us wholly and completely. He understands every detail about our being. I just find the greatest amount of comfort in knowing that I'm understood and seen by the One who made me... the One who knows me better than I know myself. 

I'm the first to admit that I have a difficult time seeing. I don't constantly or truly see- whether it is others, myself, or God. But I want to be intentional about trying to. I want to sincerely seek my sight from the sure source! 

Genesis 16... There are a few different things I could share from this story but I just want to focus on the thing that really stood out to me. 

I imagine when Hagar found out that she was pregnant, she must have realized that Sarai had used her in order to build a family. I think I would feel pretty bitter about that as well. It is an awful feeling to be used for other's selfish motives. Anyhow, I can only imagine the thoughts and emotions filling her during that time. It became so much that she must have thought that she could not face it anymore, so she ran away.

Here's the awesome part of this story... God didn't abandon her, in fact, He did the opposite. It says that after an angel of the Lord came to Hagar, she used another name to refer to the Lord. She referred to Him as "the One who sees me." This is a great picture... Go back to speech class. Remember learning the difference between hearing and listening? Hearing is just the ability to sense a sounds, while listening is being able to interpret that sound. Listening is a conscious effort... something that requires an interest in order to understand. I view looking and seeing in that same way. You can look at something, but not really see it for what it truly is. Now think about a painting. You can look at a painting, and even see some of the thought that went into it... but only the painter can truly see the complete purpose and meaning of it. Only when you go to the source and ask the painter what he/she was trying to portray will you begin to understand it. Even then, you won't just understand right off the bat. It takes thought and some digging into our emotions. 

God, our creator, sees us wholly and completely. He understands every detail about our being. I just find the greatest amount of comfort in knowing that I'm understood and seen by the One who made me... the One who knows me better than I know myself. 

I'm the first to admit that I have a difficult time seeing. I don't constantly or truly see- whether it is others, myself, or God. But I want to be intentional about trying to. I want to sincerely seek my sight from the sure source! 

A Poem and a Prayer

It is super late right now. By the world's standards (and honestly by my standards)...I should be sleeping, but I think God wants me to write this while these thoughts are fresh in my heart. Let me just say that I think sleep is really important to your health... and that we should have regular sleeping patterns and get about eight hours of sleep a night. But God is our sustainer, and if He is keeping you up, I am sure there is an important reason, and he deserves to be your first priority. 

So, I have begun to read the Bible. At first my goal was to just read it through in order to get the big picture. I wasn't going to focus on all the details; I just wanted to get through to have a greater understanding of this crazy, amazing history book. I wasn't really expecting that God would reveal a whole lot in the details... but things are never what I expect them to be. It's a beautiful thing, really. 

I'm making a commitment to reading the Bible this year, and to journal about what I learn/what God reveals to me. Since this blog is to help keep me accountable, I figured this is a good place to do it. 

Anyway, I'm reading in Genesis, and the story of the flood hit me like never before... If God has the ability to cleanse this entire earth from impurity, how much more will He cleanse our hearts if we ask Him? Just like this world, our hearts are full of wickedness and it brings such grief to our Creator. 

Genesis 6: 5-8
The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain. So the Lord said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth-men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air- for I am grieved that I have made them." But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord. 

Our wickedness fills God with pain... But He looks on us with favor when we cry out to Him. He will flood our hearts with His unending love. Let us make our Creator proud, let us bring joy to His heart. Let us ask for renewal. Let us die to our self, and let us find the true purity of salvation. 

Here's the poem:

Open your floodgates; pour into my heart.

Fill all of me, God; make this temple clean.

And while my heart waits, Your will do impart.

Lord, take me out of this deep, dark ravine.

This young soul it longs, for a love so pure,

all that I need, Lord,  your love so serene.

I rise up with songs, for Your grace is sure.

And I soon start to grasp the things unseen.

Here's the prayer:

Holy Lord, 

I need you alone. Send your flood into my heart, to put to death every last tendency that I have toward wickedness. Father, I am sorry for the selfishness that invades my thoughts. Forgive me, make me new. I long to be pure and blameless in your sight. Teach me your ways, that I may be a true reflection of you. Thank you so much for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it at all. Thank you for the love and favor you have shown to me. Help me Father, to never go back. Remind me of the pain that my old life brought, and remind me of the hope and joy that you have so freely given. My heart is yours. In the beautiful name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

It is super late right now. By the world's standards (and honestly by my standards)...I should be sleeping, but I think God wants me to write this while these thoughts are fresh in my heart. Let me just say that I think sleep is really important to your health... and that we should have regular sleeping patterns and get about eight hours of sleep a night. But God is our sustainer, and if He is keeping you up, I am sure there is an important reason, and he deserves to be your first priority. 

So, I have begun to read the Bible. At first my goal was to just read it through in order to get the big picture. I wasn't going to focus on all the details; I just wanted to get through to have a greater understanding of this crazy, amazing history book. I wasn't really expecting that God would reveal a whole lot in the details... but things are never what I expect them to be. It's a beautiful thing, really. 

I'm making a commitment to reading the Bible this year, and to journal about what I learn/what God reveals to me. Since this blog is to help keep me accountable, I figured this is a good place to do it. 

Anyway, I'm reading in Genesis, and the story of the flood hit me like never before... If God has the ability to cleanse this entire earth from impurity, how much more will He cleanse our hearts if we ask Him? Just like this world, our hearts are full of wickedness and it brings such grief to our Creator. 

Genesis 6: 5-8
The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain. So the Lord said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth-men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air- for I am grieved that I have made them." But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord. 

Our wickedness fills God with pain... But He looks on us with favor when we cry out to Him. He will flood our hearts with His unending love. Let us make our Creator proud, let us bring joy to His heart. Let us ask for renewal. Let us die to our self, and let us find the true purity of salvation. 

Here's the poem:

Open your floodgates; pour into my heart.

Fill all of me, God; make this temple clean.

And while my heart waits, Your will do impart.

Lord, take me out of this deep, dark ravine.

This young soul it longs, for a love so pure,

all that I need, Lord,  your love so serene.

I rise up with songs, for Your grace is sure.

And I soon start to grasp the things unseen.

Here's the prayer:

Holy Lord, 

I need you alone. Send your flood into my heart, to put to death every last tendency that I have toward wickedness. Father, I am sorry for the selfishness that invades my thoughts. Forgive me, make me new. I long to be pure and blameless in your sight. Teach me your ways, that I may be a true reflection of you. Thank you so much for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it at all. Thank you for the love and favor you have shown to me. Help me Father, to never go back. Remind me of the pain that my old life brought, and remind me of the hope and joy that you have so freely given. My heart is yours. In the beautiful name of Jesus Christ, Amen.